


I feel myself falling (I'm feeling happy now)

by Dyphen



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Michael and Jake totally become best friends after everything fight me, Multi, Pining, WEST END CAST WEST END CAST, lots of pining, ooh yeah all the good stuff, please appreciate Scott Folan! Jeremy he's so good, same as Miles Paloma! Jake he's epic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23330713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dyphen/pseuds/Dyphen
Summary: Jake laughs, before the question actually hits him.How long had he really liked Jeremy?He knows it's since before the beginning of senior year.Or junior year.Or high school.It had just been a fact of Jake’s life for so many years that he’d never really noticed it, the way Jeremy was always in Jake’s head and had never been out since…Since…“I’ve liked him since forever, Michael.”-title is from Happy Now by Take That
Relationships: Christine Canigula/Jeremy Heere, Jake Dillinger & Jeremy Heere, Jake Dillinger & Michael Mell, Jake Dillinger & Rich Goranski, Jake Dillinger/Jeremy Heere, Rich Goranski/Michael Mell (background), deere - Relationship
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	I feel myself falling (I'm feeling happy now)

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone!! welcome to my 7000 word Deere fic I started to procrastinate off schoolwork. my life is a mess.

Jake is happy for Jeremy. He really is.

He ‘got the girl’, as they say in movies and tv shows and too many other forms of media where time stops when two people kiss, or they realise they like each other and after a lot of sadness then they’re happy.

No, Jake is happy for Jeremy. Him and Christine are happy together. They’re happy. Jake’s happy.

Michael spent a whole day posting homemade memes about them on the group chat, and they made everyone in the group laugh and feel happy. Because that’s what they are.

Happy.

* * *

Jake’s not Happy.

Pretty cliché, he knows, but he honestly just wants the earth to swallow him up whole every time he sees Jeremy and Christine hold hands, or kiss, or do anything couple-y together.

Michael and Rich caught on a few days ago that Jake isn’t happy. They don’t know why yet though.

Jake hopes it stays that way.

* * *

“Jake, are you alright?”

Jake’s head lifts up slightly to see Michael hesitantly taking the seat opposite him on the library table. He smiles wearily at him and throws up a peace sign.

“Hey, Michael. What’s up?”

“I asked you first.”

Jake looks at him with a blank face before turning away to glance at one of the many ‘inspirational’ posters on the wall. “I’m fine.”

“Yeaaah, I’m not buying that. Come on, we’re friends, right?” Michael smiles widely, staring at Jake in anticipation.

He snorts. Only because of Jer- of Jeremy,” he says, silently cursing his stutter.

Michael nods knowingly. “Yeah. Because of Jeremy. Who you like.”

Jake feels himself stiffen, and he lifts his eyes to meet Michael’s. “I- I’m sorry, what?”

“You’re pretty fucking obvious, Dillinger. Good thing Jeremy is the most oblivious person in existence, or I don’t think you would still be hidden.”

Jake rolls his eyes. “I don’t even know what my sexuality is, Mell, chill out.”

“Well, you are _definitely_ into guys,” he said quietly, taking a sip of a slushy Jake that swears on his life wasn’t there a moment ago. Michael’s expression suddenly turned serious as he looked into Jake’s eyes.  
  


“If you ever need anyone to talk to and get it all out, I’m here for you, dude.”

He then smiled weakly, stood up from his seat and promptly left the library, leaving Jake having a sudden sexuality crisis where he was meant to be doing his Spanish homework.

* * *

Jake takes up Michael’s offer a few days later.

He opens up Instagram (seemingly the only social media Michael is willing to let his friends have apart from Discord) and sends him a message.

**JakeyD: Hey, I’m outside**

**MichaelIsntGinger: ok I’ll be there in a sec**

True to his words, Michael shows up just 10 seconds after. Jake follows Michael inside and briefly meets his mothers before they go down to the basement.

Michael crosses his legs and smirks.

“Ok. Now, spill all your gay. I’ve been running low on supplies recently.”

“Like that’s not threatening,” Jake answers back with no real bite, “uh… it’s kind of hard to put it into words? Like, I’m happy for the two of them, but I’m not happy myself? And I’m pretty sure that’s just a mix of the other things that have happened in my life, but it’s still there. And it’s like there’s this block in my chest? And- and before you say it’s just hurting because feelings,” he interjects as he sees Michael’s mouth start to open, “I know it’s that, it’s just- hm. Well.”

“…’Hm well’ what?” Michael asks softly.

Jake pauses. “I’ve never accepted the idea I could like guys? It’s always been there, but more as in ‘oh, he looks nice’, like in the same way that I’d direct that at a girl or anyone else. So it’s not like liking guys is new, it’s more… I’ve never liked anyone this much before.”

Michael makes a soft ‘aww’ sound and Jake grimaces. “Stop thinking my pain is cute!”

“It is, though! But, hey, that’s beside the point. Anyway, how long have you felt this way towards Jeremy Heere?” he says, pushing his glasses up his nose and clasping his hands like a therapist would.

Jake laughs, before the question actually hits him.

_How long had he really liked Jeremy?_

He knows it's since before the beginning of senior year.

Or junior year.

Or high school.

It had just been a fact of Jake’s life for so many years that he’d never really noticed it; the way Jeremy always looked that perfect combination of adorable and stunning, the way he always had a knack of being able to catch Jake’s attention even in a bustling crowd, the way he would scrunch up his nose to push his glasses up instead of actually pushing them up with his finger like most people, the way he was always in Jake’s head and had never been out since…

Since…

“-ake? Buddy? You okay?” Michael asks, frowning and waving a hand in front of Jake’s face.

Jake blinks and feels tears emerging in his eyes.

“I’ve liked him since forever, Michael.”

* * *

Michael messages him on Instagram late that night.

**_Sunday 8 th January_ **

**MichaelIsntGinger: jake I’ve been thinkin**

**MichaelIsntGinger: Ive been trying to work out approximately when you would have first met Jeremy**

**MichaelIsntGinger: ((and me, by extension))**

**JakeyD: ...Why?**

**MichaelIsntGinger: I can’t get to sleep lol**

**MichaelIsntGinger: aNyWaY**

**MichaelIsntGinger: we’ve gone to the same schools for basically all our lives, right**

**JakeyD: No, I moved to New Jersey when I was 10**

**MichaelIsntGinger: wait so we met (kinda) in middle school????woah that’s not even that long ago**

**MichaelIsntGinger: where did you used to live btw**

**JakeyD: Florida**

**MichaelIsntGinger: no wonder you’re so impulsive**

**MichaelIsntGinger: kiDDING, IM KIDDING HA**

**MichaelIsntGinger: so did you share any classes with jer**

**JakeyD: I’d honestly say you’re more impulsive that me but ok**

**JakeyD: I have no clue. Why do you want to know this anyway**

**MichaelIsntGinger: I think it will help your feelings about [redacted]**

**JakeyD: Uggggghhhhhhhhhh okay**

**MichaelIsntGinger: * therapist voice * ok so how does it feel**

**JakeyD: Good Night, Michael**

**MichaelIsntGinger: WAIT WE WERE JUST GETTING STRATED**

**JakeyD: IT’S 12 O CLOCK**

**JakeyD: I NEED SLEEP AND SO DO YOU**

**MichaelIsntGinger: SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK**

* * *

Jake hasn’t talked to Rich about any of this yet. Rich is always too busy catching up on work he missed whilst in the hospital or having speech therapy, but sometimes he’ll just gush about his crushes to Jake while they’re doing a group project. Which Jake lets him do. But this time, Jake wants to tell him what’s been on his mind. Why he hasn’t been Happy.

He takes his usual seat next to his best friend at lunch, and smiles at him. “Hey, Rich.”

Rich’s face lights up. “Jake! I have such an interesting thing to tell you-”

“I, uhm, is it ok if I talk today?” Jake asks quietly. Rich falls silent almost immediately, because it’s quite rare that Jake needs to ask to talk.

He laughs and says, “I’ve not been Happy recently. Uh, yeah. I don’t have one specific reason for it, but one is-”

Jake looks up at the exact moment Jeremy and Christine sit down at the lunch table, and he suddenly feels like heaving his stomach contents out.

He turns back to Rich, who has a strange look on his face. It’s almost… _understanding_.

‘It’s ok if you’re not over Christine, Jake,” he says, touching Jake’s hand hesitantly, “I mean, I couldn’t get over my first girlfriend for weeks…”

“That’s- That’s not the problem, though,” Jake mutters. Rich frowns.

“Then what is?”  
  


“It’s not Christine, Rich.”

Rich opens his mouth and promptly closes it, before glancing at Jeremy, who is chatting with Brooke about something or another.

“So… are you bi?” he asks gently.

Jake shakes his head. “No, I… I don’t know. I don’t know what I am.”

Rich nods approvingly. “It’s okay if you don’t know. And I’m sorry you’re not happy.”

Jake shakes his head. “I’m not Happy. There’s a difference between happy and Happy.” He makes sure he emphasises the ‘H’ sound.

“And what’s the difference?”

Jake sighs and picks up his sandwich. “I don’t know yet.”

* * *

**_Tuesday 10 th January_ **

**RichardGoranthki: jake how long has it been since you’ve been**

**RichardGoranthki: uh**

**RichardGoranthki: Happy**

**RichardGoranski: that was it right**

**JakeyD: yeah you got it**

**JakeyD: I think uhhhhhhhh**

**JakeyD: man idk it’s just always been there**

**RichardGoranthki: so,,,, what does ‘Happy’ actually mean ? I’m kind of lost dude**

**JakeyD: I told you, I don’t know**

**JakeyD: it’s not happiness though??**

**JakeyD: more a state of mind**

**RichardGoranthki: alright cool**

**RichardGoranthki: I hope you’re ok :)**

**JakeyD: you too (:**

**RichardGoranthki: ewwwwww why would you do a backwards smiley face that’s weird**

**JakeyD: I control the law, Richard**

* * *

“Hey, Jake!” Jeremy calls to him in the hallway one morning. Jake’s head whips around and he grins easily at the other boy (who he definitely doesn’t have a crush on, who would think such a thing?)

“Hey, Jer! What’s the occasion?”

Jeremy smiles at him, and Jake can almost _feel_ his knees start to give way.

“Just wanted to ask if you could, uh, help me with some homework? We’re in the same Biology class, and I was wondering if you could explain it to me. I know you’re good at Biology, so, uh, yeah.” He stands fiddling with the straps on his bag.

Jake nods and closes his locker door. “do you wanna do it at lunch? I don’t have a club or anything.”

“Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks, Jake!” he starts to walk forwards through the hallway, and Jake watches him go until he turns a corner and can’t be seen.

* * *

“Jake, can I talk to you for a second?” Christine asks during lunch time one day. Jake nods and stands up to follow her out of the cafeteria.

“What’s up, Chris?”  
  


“Am I making you uncomfortable?” she asks, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “it’s just that you always seem to leave the room when me and Jeremy come in and I was wondering if you were sad about stuff. I mean, you were a bit of a dick to me, but you’re so much better now, and-”

“It’s not you, Christine,” Jake says, shaking his head, “it’s anything but you, trust me.”

She observes his face for a few moments, until she seems to realise something. She smiles sadly and leans forward to hug him.

“I’m sorry I assumed it was me, I’m trying to work on not being as hard on myself.”

“It’s ok-”

She pulls back quickly and looks him straight in the eyes. “No, it’s not, Jake. You’re allowed to be sad.”

Jake is about to break (haha that rhymes), so he stammers out a thanks and walks back into the cafeteria to try and compose himself.

* * *

**_Saturday 14 th January_ **

**_MichaelIsntGinger started a group chat with RichardGoranthki and JakeyD._ **

**MichaelIsntGinger: we are gathered here today to discuss how to get Jake over his crush on Jeremy**

**MichaelIsntGinger: (or get them together, whichever happens first)**

**RichardGoranthki: we aren’t breaking up Jeremy and Christine, that’s just horrible??**

**MichaelIsntGinger: I can’t believe you would accuse me of such mean things rich**

**MichaelIsntGinger: but no we are not breaking up christemy**

**JakeyD: That is such a bad ship name, please Take It Back**

**MichaelIsntGinger: it’s that or jerestine**

**JakeyD: Christemy it is**

**RichardGoranthki: LMAO**

**RichardGoranthki: ok but Michael why are you doing this??**

**MichaelIsntGinger: we’re gonna be Jake’s support group**

**JakeyD: I don’t need help guys I’m fine**

**MichaelIsntGinger: we’ve all been there, Jake**

**MichaelIsntGinger: you are currently in the depths of the Pining equivalent of the Mariana trench**

**RichardGoranthki: the pine-iana trench**

**MichaelIsntGinger: thank you for your contribution rich**

**RichardGoranthki: no problem**

**_JakeyD has gone offline._ **

**MichaelIsntGinger: dammit we lost him**

**MichaelIsntGinger: next time**

* * *

Jake wants everyone to just _go away_.

He shouldn’t have confided in anyone about how he felt. He shouldn’t have told anyone about not being Happy.

He just wants one day of people not asking about how he is, or if he’s got over Jeremy yet, or if he’s Happy, or even just normal happy.

He can’t tell the difference between the two anymore. He doesn’t know if that’s bad or not.

* * *

Jake and Jeremy have reserved Thursday lunchtimes for doing homework together in the secluded corner of the library that no-one knows about. Even if they’re not in the same class, one will help the other with whatever they need help with.

It’s kind of painful sometimes, but Jake just reminds himself that he’s lucky to have Jeremy as his friend, let alone to have the pleasure of being able to study with him once a week.

It’s a strange mix of regretfulness and happiness.

Not Happy, though.

* * *

It’s kind of stupid that Jake still gets so flustered around Jeremy, even if he doesn’t show it to anyone. He’s never let a crush rule his life before.

But none of them were Jeremy.

He groans and turns over in his bed to face the door. The house is quiet, what with his uncle being out of the house like he is every night.

Jake starts to make a mental list of all the little things he likes about Jeremy.

He likes his smile. It’s so bright and wide and it’s like the sun decided to split off into two and have the smaller half there.

He likes his laugh. It’s so bubbly and it reminds him of when they were in middle school and he walked past Jeremy when Michael must have made a joke and he burst into laughter, right there in the middle of the hallway.

He likes his graphic shirts, no matter how stupid or nerdy they are. They remind Jake just how far he’s come after the SQUIP.

He loves how quietly confident he is, how he can just deal with situations almost effortlessly. Even if he’s nervous out of his mind, he’ll be able to solve a problem.

He loves his hair, how hard it is to contain and how it looks so soft and bouncy, the type that if you pulled gently on a curl it would spring back immediately after letting go of it.

He loves…

Jake doesn’t let himself finish that sentence.

* * *

Jake sits down at the lunch table as usual, about to break out into a story from last period until he notices how quiet it is. There’s only a light murmur of chatter which keeps stopping and starting like a faulty engine.

He leans over to Rich. “What’s going on? Why is everyone so quiet?”

Rich gestures to the other side of the table, where a dejected-looking Christine sits back down from a shaky walk back to the table. Jeremy is nowhere to be seen as Brooke and Michael start to console and hug her.

“They had A Talk,” Rich states matter-of-factly, before standing up and moving over to ask Michael something.

Jake freezes in his seat. He can clearly see that Christine is in distress right now, but only one person is on his mind.

“Jake? Where are you going?” Chloe asks, catching his wrist as he stands up in a daze. He shakes his head and glances at her.

“I’m going to find Jeremy,” he says quietly as not to upset Christine who was very close to Chloe.

Her eyes widen, but she nods and lets go of his wrist. “Ok.”

* * *

Jake knows exactly where Jeremy will be- in the library, in the back corner. It’s where they have their weekly homework sessions.

Jake greets the librarian with a quiet nod before embarking to the hidden corner that barely anyone knows about.

Sure enough, Jeremy’s laying on his arms, shaking heavily and looking like he’s probably crying. Jake takes the seat next to him, and the scraping of the chair makes the other boy lift up his head and hastily wipe away the tears pooling round his eyes.

“Oh, uh, h-hi, Jake,” Jeremy stutters as he paws at his eyes aggressively. “I didn’t- I didn’t think anyone would come a-and find me.” He laughs bitterly and rests his head on his head precariously.

Jake turns to him carefully so he doesn’t scare him, because right now Jeremy’s acting akin to a terrified wild animal.

“Could you tell me what happened with you and Christine?” he asks gently, coming closer when Jeremy shudders again.

“She said that we- we weren’t working a-anymore, and that we sh-should break up,” he whispers brokenly.

As he sits there staring forlornly at the wooden table, Jake starts to snake an arm around Jeremy’s shoulders and hesitantly pull him closer, not sure whether this would be good for Jeremy (or him, for another matter).

Luckily, it’s the right judgement, because Jeremy practically launches himself into Jake’s embrace, openly crying now. Jake pulls him closer, trying to ignore the fluttering feeling in his chest and focusing all his, well, _focus_ on the weeping boy in front of him.

“It’s okay, Jeremy,” he murmurs in his ear, “it’s okay to be sad. You’re allowed to be sad.”

Jeremy sniffs pathetically, but makes no move to pull away. The two sit there until lunch ends, and the librarian has to tell them to get to class.

“Are you feeling better now?” Jake asks quietly just before they have to part in the corridor.

Jeremy smiles a tiny shy smile that makes Jake want to pin him to one of the surrounding lockers and kiss him until he absolutely has to pull away for air. “yeah, I think I’m ok now.”

* * *

**_Friday 20 th January_ **

**JakeyD: Was Christine ok? Sorry I didn’t stay around to help her**

**MichaelIsntGinger: yeah she was fine**

**MichaelIsntGinger: more in shock that she’d actually done it I think**

**MichaelIsntGinger: what about jer was he ok**

**JakeyD: He was a mess for a while but he got better**

**JakeyD: We kind of just sat in the library**

**MichaelIsntGinger: how did you cope with the feels**

**JakeyD: Dude, he’d just been broken up with, I am Not putting myself first in that situation**

**MichaelIsntGinger: and that is the rIGHT ANSWER**

**MichaelIsntGinger: you’ve passed the best friend test jakey congrats**

**JakeyD: Wow I’m so pleased**

**JakeyD: But Jeremy is also one of the most hetero heteros I’ve met, I literally have no chance**

**MichaelIsntGinger: I’m sorry what the fuck type of Jeremy have you seen I gotta see this**

**MichaelIsntGinger: would. You like me to tell you about the time I walked in on Jeremy serenading a poster of justin timberlake with some random love song he wrote**

**MichaelIsntGinger: or the time he rewrote twilight so he was bella and it was so gay it shook me to the core**

**MichaelIsntGinger: oR THE TIME WHEN**

**JakeyD: S t o p y o u r s e l f**

**JakeyD: I get the picture that Jeremy isn’t entirely straight**

**JakeyD: Still**

**JakeyD: He’s literally just come out of a relationship**

**JakeyD: Give him time dude**

**MichaelIsntGinger: yeah you right**

**MichaelIsntGinger: but have nO doubts, despite how lanky he is Jeremy is not straight**

**JakeyD: what does being lanky have anything to do with being straight**

**MichaelIsntGinger: bean poles are straight lol**

**JakeyD: That’s Enough Michael For Today, I Think**

**MichaelIsntGinger: noOoooOooOo come bAcK**

* * *

For the first week or two, Jeremy doesn’t interact with anyone from the group except for Michael and Jake (which kind of offends Rich, but he gets over it after a few days).

Jake and Jeremy spend lunchtimes in the library for this period of time, usually talking about what’s happened so far during the day, or picking random books off the shelves and having a competition of who can find the best out-of-context quotes, or sometimes just sitting in a comfortable silence while they complete work or read.

It’s nice. Jake likes it a lot. But he encourages Jeremy to sit back with the group again every day, even if he knows he’ll lose these lunchtimes. Because if anything, Jake just wants Jeremy to be happy, even if he can’t be.

Wait, no. He can be _happy_. He just can’t be _Happy_.

…He needs to find out what Happy means before he mixes them up too much.

* * *

Jeremy sits down next to Jake at lunch instead of his usual seat opposite, and just lays his head on Jake’s shoulder. Jake smiles softly at him and puts his bookmark in his book.

“What’s up? Bad day?” he asks quietly. Jeremy makes an almost inaudible sigh and Jake can see him smiling.

“No, I just needed this.”

Jake tries to ignore the implications of that sentence. He notices a strand of Jeremy’s hair sticking up out of place, and he heavily suppresses the urge to smooth it back into place.

Jake opens his book again and starts reading, Jeremy still leaning on his shoulder. It’s so peaceful that Jake just wants to stay like this forever, maybe even lay his head on top of Jeremy’s and just lie as still as stone till the end of time (or the end of lunch. whichever comes first).

“You know, I never said thank you,” Jeremy says, lifting his head up and looking into Jake’s eyes. He can feel his heartrate begin to pick up the pace, but he maintains the eye contact.

“Thank you for what?” Jake starts to miss the weight of Jeremy’s head on his shoulder.

Jeremy shrugs and gestures to the table, or maybe even the whole library. “For all this. Making me feel better. Staying with me when I feel like shit. All that jazz.” He’s still looking into Jake’s eyes, but now with an expression that’s making Jake feel like he’s about to melt. It takes so much (too much) effort not to lean forward and kiss him right there.

So he doesn’t. He just nods and says, “It’s okay.”

“I think I’m ready to go back to the others,” Jeremy murmurs, so quietly Jake’s not sure he heard him right.

“Do you want to do that tomorrow?” he asks. It’s Thursday, so it would make sense if he tried tomorrow on the last day of the week.

But Jeremy shake his head. “Let’s do it next week, so we still have tomorrow.”

And Jeremy lays his head back on Jake’s shoulder, and Jake goes back to reading his book, and all is peaceful until the school bell goes and they have to part ways till the next day.

And Jake feels a bit Happy.

* * *

**_Thursday 5 th February_ **

**RichardGoranthki: have you thought about your sexuality any more than just ‘I like boys like I like girls’?**

**JakeyD: No, not yet**

**JakeyD: Do I need to?**

**RichardGoranthki: no, I was just wondering if you wanted to put a name to it so its easier to tell people**

**JakeyD: Is there a test I can do or something?**

**RichardGoranthki: I can ask you some questions and see what your answers seem to correlate to**

**JakeyD: Ok, go ahead**

**RichardGoranthki: so you said you like both guys andn girls, right**

**JakeyD: Yep**

**RichardGoranthki: does it matter to you that it’s a girl/boy?**

**RichardGoranthki: like, does gender factor into your attraction to a person**

**JakeyD: Oh**

**JakeyD: I guess not?**

**JakeyD: It’s never really mattered to me that it’s a specific gender**

**JakeyD: I just think ‘oh no, they’re hot’**

**RichardGoranthki: would you mind going out with a person who doesn’t identify as male or female?**

**JakeyD: No, I don’t think so**

**JakeyD: If I like them, then I like them**

**RichardGoranthki: ok test over for now**

**JakeyD: What are my results doc**

**RichardGoranthki: I class you as: Pansexual**

**JakeyD: I’ve never heard of that one before, what does it mean**

**RichardGoranthki: gender doesn’t mean anything when you’re attracted to a person**

**RichardGoranthki: it’s like you can basically be attracted to anyone who exists**

**JakeyD: That’s… good?**

**RichardGoranthki: well that was bad phrasing to be honest**

**RichardGoranthki: it’s basically ‘you’re bisexual, but gender doesn’t mean anything when you think someone is hot’**

**JakeyD: Oh cool**

**JakeyD: Look out everyone, here comes Jake Dillinger, Pansexual**

**RichardGoranthki: now THAT’S the spirit**

* * *

When Jeremy and Jake sit back at the table next Monday, Jake wants to thank everyone for not making it really awkward. Brooke’s a bit icy for the first few days (but that’s understandable, she’s Christine’s best friend), but she warms up again and then everyone is happy.

“You okay, Jake?” Michael asks him as he slides in next to him on the bench. (Jake can see him holding hands with Rich under the table, but he doesn’t comment on it.)

Jake looks at him, before nodding his head and looking at Jeremy. “I’m pretty good.”

* * *

It’s Thursday, and Jeremy is late to their study session.

Jake’s not bothered, it’s just he wanted to tell him something (namely his sexuality) today, so he just continues reading.

A few minutes later, he feels a tap on his shoulder. He looks up to meet Christine’s eyes.

“Oh, uh, hi Chris,” he says, gesturing to the chair opposite.

“Hey, Jake! I just wanted to say something.” She sits down and puts her arms on the table and smiles.

He nods, confused. “Okay, then. Go ahead.”

She takes a deep breath, and Jake is strangely threatened.

“It’s ok that you like Jeremy.”

Jake chokes on air, and Christine’s eyes widen as she gets up to help him stop dying. “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you would react this way-”  
  


“Christine, stop,” he wheezes, reaching into his bag for his water bottle. Only once he’s taken a large sip and composed himself, Christine cautiously continues.

“I…don’t know if I’ve been reading you wrong, but it’s pretty clear you like him. Which is fine! It’s cool. I just wanted to say that it’s ok you like him. I’m not annoyed or anything, I mean, I broke up with him because we worked better as friends,” she word-vomits, nodding to punctuate the end of her mini-speech.

Jake frowns. “Was that really why you broke up? You thought you’d be better as friends?”

She nods happily. “Yep. Sounds pretty ruthless, but we just weren’t really acting like a couple anymore, y’know? He’s more like a best friend or a brother than a boyfriend.”

Her face and voice take on a more serious tone. “Please don’t let me stop you from having a chance with him.”

She stands up and leaves the corner, leaving Jake sitting in a daze. A few moments later, Jeremy takes his (now usual) seat next to Jake and shakes his shoulder to stop him zoning out.

“Jake? You ok?” he queries with a soft frown on his face and Jake lets himself just look into Jeremy’s eyes for a few moments, and he lets himself imagine that it’s years in the future and they’ve been living together and they’re just so in love it hurts, it hurts because one day it will end and-

Jake shakes himself out of it and offers Jeremy a small smile.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

* * *

**_Thursday 13 th February_ **

**MichaelIsntGinger: so tomorrow is valentine’s day**

**JakeyD: It sure is**

**MichaelIsntGinger: what are you doing for valentine’s day**

**JakeyD: Tip: don’t go near Chloe tomorrow, she makes the entire day about her even if she hasn’t got a date**

**MichaelIsntGinger: ?????**

**MichaelIsntGinger: oh right her last name**

**MichaelIsntGinger: but you haven’t answered by question yet**

**JakeyD: If you’re wondering if I’ll ask Jeremy out tomorrow, that would be way too cliché and like a movie, so no**

**JakeyD: My life is anything but a movie**

**MichaelIsntGinger: ok, well, I’m sorry you’ll see all the couples tomorrow**

**JakeyD: What are you Rich doing tomorrow**

**MichaelIsntGinger: ,.sorry wha t**

**JakeyD: You two are terrible at hiding your relationship, at least tell me what you’re doing**

**MichaelIsntGinger: ,,,,we’re going to have a movie night at my house**

**JakeyD: Have fun :)**

**MichaelIsntGinger: gO aWaY jAkE**

**MichaelIsntGinger: ((jk thanks dude))**

**JakeyD: oK tHeN**

**JakeyD: ((no problem bro))**

* * *

“Hey, Jeremy! Just wanted to let you know I’m pansexual! And, added bonus, I’m also into you- Jesus Christ,” Jake mutters as he cringes into the bathroom mirror. He composes himself and puts on a plastic-looking smile.

“Hi Jeremy, I’m pansexual. It means gender doesn’t matter when I like someone, but you matter- wait, no-”

“Jer! Good to see you, haha. Did you know I like dick, pussy and any in-between? Well, now you do!- dEAR GOD-”

“Hey, Jeremy, are you a library book? Because I can’t stop checking you out.” (Jake full-body cringes at this one)

“Jeremy Heere. You’re hot. Kiss me.” Jake says robotically, staring directly into his reflection’s eyes. He stays solemn for a moment, before cracking up with laughter and leaning against the mirror to steady himself.

“Jake, what _are_ you doing?” he hears a voice say, and he jerks in fear before relaxing when he sees he uncle standing in the doorway. He grins awkwardly at him.

“Trying to work out how to ask someone out,” he says honestly (even if he’ll never do it, it’s the truth).

His uncle’s eyes soften as he takes a sip from his mug. “Well, if you like this person so much, then, why don’t you just tell them?”

“Because…”

Jake thinks back to all the lunchtimes in the library, to all the times during freshman year when he just wanted to talk to him, to middle school when he first saw him in the hallways.

“Because I don’t want to lose him.”

Jake realizes too late he’s used defining pronouns, and he starts to correct himself, but his uncle just nods and says, “must be a good friend if you don’t want to lose him.”

He releases the breath he’s been holding and nods. “Yeah… he is.”

* * *

The school often spends a lot of time decorating the halls for Valentine’s Day, so Jake isn’t surprised when he walks through the student entrance to see heart garlands and multi-colored hearts messily tacked to every locker door. He strolls past couples holding hands, giving presents, showing affection. He even sees people anonymously slipping letters into lockers or taping candy to the locker doors of their crushes.

Jake doesn’t feel as bad as he thought he would do.

He makes his way to his locker, where Michael and Rich are hanging around due to their lockers being pretty nearby.

“At least tell me the rest of the group knows,” he calls playfully to them as Rich intertwines their fingers. Michael rolls his eyes.

“Jeremy knows. We’re trying to see how long it is until Jenna notices, because then it’s Game Over,” he says. He suddenly gives Jake a death stare. “If you tell anyone before we decide to, you are dead.”

Rich snorts and looks up at Michael. “We’re not killing him, he’s my best friend.”

Jake grins at Rich, and starts to open his locker. As he opens the door, a note flies out and lands on the floor at his feet. He frowns and bends down to pick it up.

_Up on melancholy hill there’s a plastic tree_

_Are you here with me_

_Just looking out on the day of another dream_

_Well you can’t get what you want but you can get me_

_So let’s set out to sea_

_Cause you are my medicine when you’re close to me_

_\- ‘On Melancholy Hill’, Gorillaz_

_< 3_

Jake stares at the note for a few moments, before he closes his locker door and asks Michael, “Who are the ‘Gorillaz’?”

Michael’s eyes light up. “They’re a really good British virtual band, like, they’re a group of cartoon characters basically. Have you ever heard ‘Clint Eastwood’? That’s a Gorillaz song.”

Jake nods absentmindedly, and re-reads the note time and time again until the bell rings for first period.

* * *

Lunch is… interesting, to say the least.

Everyone sits in the same places, everyone’s talking the same way, nothing’s weird like that. It’s just that Jake and Jeremy have the shared knowledge that Rich and Michael are a thing, and are discussing (using metaphors) with said couple how they’re going to reveal the news.

“I just don’t know, guys,” Michael sighs dramatically, huffing a stray strand of hair out of his eyes. “It just seems too soon to take the game back.”

“There’s a reason return policies exist, Michael! If you don’t take it back, then your credit score could be damaged or something!” Jeremy cries. He and Jake share a glance and Jake tries his hardest to suppress a laugh.

Rich pipes in with a “Yeah, Michael, you really should let them know it’s faulty, so at least you could get another one.”

“What?! My current disk is not faulty, thank you very much!”

“tHEN WHY DO YOU WANT TO TAKE IT BACK!?!?” Jake laughs, grinning widely.

Rich wheezes and whispers something in Michael’s ear. Michael nods, and he clears his throat.

“Hey, uh, guys?” the table slowly falls silent and looks at Michael.

He grins. “For those who predicted this-” he holds up his and Rich’s linked hands- “I hope you won your bet.”

Everyone stares at the two for a moment, before Chloe turns to Jenna with a gleeful grin on her face and says, “Pay up, Jenna!”

* * *

Jeremy’s waiting by Jake’s locker at the end of the day. He’s messing around with the lock, but when he sees Jake he stops and smiles.

“What are you doing here?” Jake asks incredulously as he reaches Jeremy and leans against his locker.

Jeremy looks down and starts to play with one of his hoodie strings. “I’m here waiting for you.”

Jake pauses while taking the books out of his locker he needs for the weekend, an idea forming in his head. “What are you waiting for, though?”

The other shrugs and looks away to the other side of the corridor. “Michael and Rich were a bit pre-occupied when I wanted to talk to them, and your locker was nearby, so I was kinda just hoping you weren’t at a club or something.”

Yeah, just let Jake fall to the floor and screech for a second.

In real time, however, he snorts and closes the door. “Well, I’m not at a ‘club or something’, so what now?”

Jeremy looks at him with a strange look in his eyes that Jake can’t decipher, but it’s gone the moment after Jake detects it.

“Um, I don’t know,” Jeremy says. He looks at his watch and clears his throat.

“Well, I have to, uh, go now, um, see you on Monday?”

Jake frowns, but doesn’t think anything of it.

“Yeah, see you on Monday.”

* * *

**_Friday 14 th February_ **

**JakeyD: Hate to interrupt your date, but how’s it going**

**MichaelIsntGinger: haha it’s great**

**MichaelIsntGinger: how’s Jeremy**

**JakeyD: What do you mean?  
JakeyD: He’s fine, I guess?? Idk he’s not at my house **

**JakeyD: Why would he be at my house ??**

**MichaelIsntGinger: oh**

**MichaelIsntGinger: uh**

**MichaelIsntGinger: I meant earlier**

**MichaelIsntGinger: he seemed kinda sad earlier**

**MichaelIsntGinger: and then he said he would wait for you at your locker**

**MichaelIsntGinger: so**

**MichaelIsntGinger: um**

**JakeyD: Yeah, he was fine earlier**

**MichaelIsntGinger: cool cool**

**MichaelIsntGinger: so should we watch love simon or the entirety of gravity falls because we Can’t Decide**

**JakeyD: My preference would be Gravity Falls but you do whatever you want**

**JakeyD: Do I have to remind you this is YOUR DATE NIGHT NOT MINE**

**MichaelIsntginger: ookokkoOK bye then**

**MichaelIsntGinger: lol**

* * *

Jake wakes up in the middle of the night to a phone call.

He groans and tries to grab his phone to turn off his Godforsaken ringtone (Rich set it as a rickroll a few weeks ago and he’s never got around to changing it). He glances blearily at the screen and pauses when his eyes focus on the name.

_Jeremy :)_

He answers and puts the phone up to his ear cautiously. “Jeremy, why are you calling me, exactly?”

There’s a brief pause on the other line, before Jeremy says shakily, “I’m, um, I’m o-outside your house right now, Jake.”

Jake nearly falls out of his bed.

He scrambles to get to the window (it faces the same direction as the front door), and sure enough Jeremy is outside, standing on the pavement.

“Why are you outside my house, Jeremy?” Jake asks quietly. He sees Jeremy look up at the house and scan the windows. He catches Jake’s eye and for a moment, the two just look at each other for a few moments before Jeremy cracks a smile and says softly, “Either you come out here or you let me in, because I will literally freeze. It’s only being February.”

“This was your idea?” Jake mumbles quietly as he makes his way to the stairs. Jeremy laughs breathily (which totally doesn’t make Jake’s heart do about 7 backflips), and he asks, “How do you even know my address?”

“Uh, I asked Rich,” Jeremy answers as Jake does his best to open the door and listen to the other side of the call.

When he finally gets the door open, Jeremy is standing on the other side, still holding the phone up to his ear, just like Jake.

They look at each other for what feels like hours (but is probably only a few seconds) before Jeremy steps forward a bit.

Jake lowers his phone and so does Jeremy. His eyes flick downwards, and Jake takes a slow breath to try and calm down his heartrate.

“What are you doing here, Jeremy?” he asks, voice barely louder than a whisper. They’re less than a step away from each other now.

Jeremy smiles gently, and leans forward to kiss Jake.

The world stops for a while, and Jake is only able to think in clichés. He feels Jeremy start to snake his arms around Jake’s neck, so he lifts his hands up to latch onto Jeremy’s hair and it’s so _soft_ and Jake feels like melting into the ground he’s so Happy but he doesn’t because then he wouldn’t be able to kiss Jeremy ( _holy shit he’s kissing Jeremy_ ).

Jake (unfortunately) needs air, so he pulls away and stares into Jeremy’s eyes in wonder.

“Two things.” He says, slightly out of breath, “I have two things to ask.”

Jeremy nods. “Go ahead.”

“One: I thought you were straight, and two; where the _fuck_ did you learn to kiss like that?”

Jeremy laughs, a genuine laugh, and Jake doesn’t know how he could be any more in love with him.

“I’m, uh, bisexual. I just haven’t told many people yet,” he says, moving a strand of hair out of his eyes. he suddenly freezes and stares at Jake wide-eyed. “You are, uh, you do like me, right? I mean, you like guys, because otherwise this is very awkward and I’ll just-”

Jake rolls his eyes and pushes him up against the front door (not roughly, he’s not a monster). Jeremy’s eyes stay wide, but he relaxes a bit.

“I’m pansexual. And, dude, I couldn’t be _less_ into you.”

He kisses Jeremy this time, more desperate than the first one. He can feel Jeremy smiling into it and it makes him feel so Happy.

Jeremy pulls away and rests their foreheads together, their breath mixing together. They stay like that before Jake can feel laughter bubbling up his throat and he starts to chuckle.

“What?” Jeremy asks softly, reaching out one of his hands to intertwine with Jake’s.

“Nothing… just that it’s really fucking cold,” Jake grins, looking outside.

“Well, it wouldn’t be as cold if you had just closed the door,” Jeremy comments, gently pushing himself off the front door and closing it softly. He looks around the hallway and smiles as his eyes land on a picture of Jake when he was younger. “Aw, you looked so cute!”  
  
“Uh, I am still cute, thank you very much,” Jake says indignantly. He grabs Jeremy’s hand again and squeezes it.

“So,” Jake says after a few minutes of looking at the photos on the wall, “as much as I like looking at old cringy photos with you, it is-” he checks his phone- “2 AM, and I need to sleep.”

“Um, sorry about this,” Jeremy says quietly, looking down at the floor.

“Hey, hey, it’s fine. It’s Saturday tomorrow anyway.” Jake stars to make his way to the stairs, dragging Jeremy along with him. He turns back just in time to see him blushing a deep red.

“U-um, I can just go home, don’t feel the need to let me stay here-”

“There is not a chance in Hell you aren’t staying over tonight. Or is it this morning? Eh, who cares, we’re gonna cuddle,” Jake rambles as he leads Jeremy up the stairs to his bedroom (in a totally non-sexual way, I promise).

Jeremy snickers, before clasping his free hand over his mouth loosely. “Isn’t your uncle home?”

Jake shakes his head while pushing his bedroom door open. “He’s gone on a trip somewhere. He trusts me not to put on a party while he’s gone.”

He brandishes an arm around to reveal his room. “Here we are!”

Jeremy smiles and takes off his shoes before following Jake to the bed and laying down with him.

They lay there, a quiet tangle of limbs. Jake kisses Jeremy’s forehead lightly and Jeremy hugs him tighter in response.

And that’s when Jake realizes it.

_He’s Happy._

* * *

**_Saturday 15 th February_ **

**JakeyD: So how was the entirety of Gravity Falls**

**MichaelIsntGinger: so good**

**MichaelIsntGinger: we kept stopping to solve all the codes and ciphers lol**

**MichaelIsntGinger: did you sleep well??**

**JakeyD: [sent a picture]**

**MichaelIsntGinger: hOLY CRAP HE REALLY DID IT**

**MichaelIsntGinger: LMAO CONGRATS**

**JakeyD: Thanks????**

**MichaelIsntGinger: yes that is something you should say thank you for**

**JakeyD: You’re weird, Michael**

**MichaelIsntGinger: I know ;)**

* * *

While Jake is putting toast in the toaster next morning, he remembers something.

“It was you who put the note in my locker, wasn’t it? Otherwise there’s just some random person crushing on my who’s going to have their heart broken on Monday.”

Jeremy squeaks and hides his head in his hands. “Um…”

Jake grins. “It’s fine, Jer, just wanted to know it was you.”

“It was so cringy!” Jeremy groans, sitting down at the kitchen table. “It was between Melancholy Hill and… well, another song,” he blushes, so Jake knows it’s embarrassing, so he just _has_ to know now.

“Oh, come on, I’m not going to judge you. It was a great idea, I wouldn’t have been brave enough to do it,” Jake says offhandedly, watching Jeremy with a lazy smile on his face.

“ _Hello Me And You_ by Superorganism,” he mumbles. Jake frowns.

“Why were you embarrassed to say that one? It’s not a kids song or anything,” Jake asks as the toast pops out the toaster.

Jeremy snorts. “It was written for the Lego Movie 2, it’s pretty kiddish.”

Jake pauses as he butters the toast. “I have the first Lego Movie on DVD, wanna watch it?”

Jeremy’s eyes light up. “Yes, absolutely, definitely, we’re watching it.”

Jake laughs and hands Jeremy a piece of toast. He takes a bite and smiles at Jake.

“Is it too soon to say ‘I love you’?”

Jake jolts and stares at Jeremy wide-eyed, who immediately starts to stutter and take it back.  
  


“I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, it was stupid, I-”

“Oh my God, I love you too,” Jake says, a wide smile starting to spread across his face.

Jeremy looks relieved out of his mind, and the two start laughing, and Jake is Happy.

It’s just as good as he thought it would be.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!
> 
> facts about this fic:  
> -it took me 4 days to write this  
> -but that's like 4 days of straight writing lol  
> -the 'Happy' thing is inspired by me not being able to connect emotions to words (I'm dealing with it tho!!)  
> -so many of my headcanons made their way into this (like Jeremy liking The Lego movie, or Michael wanting to be a therapist so he pretends to be his friends' one)  
> -the usernames are just me messing around lol  
> -I'M AN ABSOLUTE SLUT FOR VALENTINE'S DAY DESPITE ME NEVER HAVING A DATE EVER IN MY LIFE LOL  
> -I'm pan so Jake's pan (those are the rules sorry)
> 
> the other titles I could have had were  
> -if loving you's a felony now, then I'm a renegade (Souk Eye, Gorillaz)  
> -no easy love could ever make me feel the same (Wherever I Go, One Republic)  
> -baby if you hold me then all off this will go away  
> -I think you know what I need to get by (Something For Your M.I.N.D., Superorganism)  
> -all I see is the green and the blue (Man In The Moon, Cats In Space)  
> -pick a place to rest your head (Hold My Girl, George Ezra)  
> -every minute of every hour (miss you, I miss you, I miss you more) (Good Grief, Bastille)  
> -I wanna with you while you sleep (I know I might sound like a creep) (Share Your Address, Ben Platt)  
> -(désolé) tous mes fantômes sont bleus (Désolé, Gorillaz) (translation- all my ghosts are blue)  
> -we're better as a two (Hello Me & You, Superorganism)  
> please comment on any improvements you think I could make! I'm still learning, and fanfic is probably the best way to learn :)


End file.
